Joanie loves Chachi?

Did Joanie Cunningham really love Chachi Arcola and if so did they find their thrill on Blueberry Hill? That is the question that has plagued the civilized world since 1980 when Chachi first revealed his true intensions to his love, the beautiful Joanie with a late night dinner preplanned on the advice from his conversation with Lori Beth. Last night once more this question arose as I lay in bed watching the newest VH1 reality show featuring our one time hero and the former Charles in Charge star Scott Baio. The show is titled “Scott Baio is 45 and Single.” It is about his journey to escape his past and to figure out why at the age of 45 he has run away from all his relationships. The show is obviously a result as a feeble attempt to resurrect a career of an actor that has long since drifted into pop-culture history but surprisingly as I watched I could relate in some way as his questions and the patterns of his behavior is not all that different then mine.

Baio has spent the majority of his life fearing true intimacy with women and seems to have a great deal of anger about never being able to escape his past childhood fame, the fame which pays for his lavish lifestyle. I have to take my hat off if I had one for those individuals who are so willing to allow the world around them the opportunity to dissect there lives and the poor choices they have made along the way. However that being said we have to also acknowledge there is a certain level of narcissism going on here but that’s another topic now isn’t it. Perhaps we should talk later on regarding the Paula Abdul show! Any way, as I viewed this show I could not help but start to review my own life and many of the choices I made along my own personal journey. As part of his therapy his “Life Coach” made Baio start to revisit his past and ask the women why they left him and what was it that made them leave. That would not be a question I’d want to ask men of my past but then again most of them wouldn’t say anything I already didn’t know…which is probably why I wouldn’t want to ask it!

He began with the first women he ever loved and then went on to visit “Joanie Cunningham” who was the women he lost his virginity too. “Joanie” talked about his short fuse and his inability to relate well to people around him…more or less she talked about his selfish outlook and his inability to work with people without becoming irritable. The first girlfriend pointed out that he actually went out of his way to try to keep a measure of distance between there relationship so as not to get to close. Baio repeatedly acted out destructively out of fear of opening up and trusting someone with his heart. On six different occasions he had intimate indiscretions with other women before she finally ended their relationship. I couldn’t help but feel as if the cameras at this time had turned on to me. While I never have cheated on a person I allowed myself to care for I have on many occasions prevented myself from getting close to men and usually allowed myself to sexually act impulsively with little or no thought to what I was doing until afterwards. I know this had more to do with fear of getting to close because the moment anyone ever suggested getting closer to me or said the forbidden word of boyfriend I usually ran for the door very quickly.

She went on to say that Baio was always “looking for the next best thing…there is no next best thing there is just the next thing.” Was this something I did? Without much thought I knew the answer already and sadly I know in my heart that true intimacy can never be based on physical attributes but instead on the emotional compatibility shared between the two lovers. There must be a common agreement between each partner that desires not for their own personhood but to become more like a humble servant who realizes their only desire is to encourage their partner to be the best version they already were. Love is all about what we know in our heart to be right and the conscious choice that we make with each other in regards to being a true gift of self-donation…it is that gift of choice that separates us from the rest of creation, it is that gift of choice that helps to realize only mankind has the ability to authentically love another because they are also the only one in creation that has the ability to hate. Life is all a choice my friends!

I laid in bed that night thinking about what she said and I assure you these thoughts are not new to me as I have done a great deal of reflecting with my past but still I couldn’t help but wonder what would my life have been like if I would had realized this sooner. If I had not spent so many years seeking out pleasures that only offer some solace for brief moments and or a couple years. What if I had not compromised my inner desire that I had at one time before I became so self-seeking inside? Would I have been in a real loving relationship with someone who was emotionally supportive towards my needs? Do I even understand what is love…have I ever felt it? We all say we have been in love but what is love really. It’s such an easy word to say but with what actions have I lived out those words. What was it really that keeps people such as Baio and myself in this position that keeps our hearts so captive that we don’t allow ourselves the chance to let someone in finding instead the simple fact we have dated the same person over and over and the only thing that has changed is the names.

Baio had a hard time listening to what she had to say. He was embarrassed at how he had cheated on her with his actions and most importantly with his heart. It was hard to look up and see the pain you caused and often we do what he did…we get up when it’s uncomfortable and leave so we can put it out of our thoughts and later on letting ourselves instead of dealing with it we make cheep excuses for our choices. I should title this “Craig is 38 and Single.”