Star Wars: Faith Beyond Science

You know few things in life make me feel old. I basically feel like the same man I was in my 20’s. I am in good shape accept for those few moments my back seem to say otherwise, I feel very attractive most of the time and I’m fairly intelligent…at least my mother tells me I am. Overall it’s not a bad outlook to have on your self but I have to say today I feel old or perhaps young…that’s the odd paradox of it all. Star Wars came to the theaters 30 years ago May 25th 1977. I think in all sincerity it was the first time my brother and I actually got along. I can still remember like yesterday how it felt when the music first started and those words from the opening title crawl came up it was almost like time completely stopped. I’m not sure why that movie was so important to men my age but there is little in life that has had as much of an impact on me as that did…that one brief moment that seems as real to me as my first kiss. The movie was appropriately called A New Hope. Evil was about to triumph with its great victory over good. All seemed hopeless for those who stood for justice but through the courage and boldness of one boy and his faith in the Force he brought victory to the rebels and a renewed hope/inspiration to countless beings throughout the galaxy. Reminding us once more that we can make a difference, that what we do does and can matter. This movie wasn’t about the promotion of any particular doctrine of faith but instead spoke to the hearts of all those who were open to hearing its message. This timeless story of how good always triumphs evil. Of course Luke did look pretty smoking in that film. I know he was my first crush!

This movie once more inspires me to remember there is always hope but often we can never see it because we don’t take our eyes off of our circumstances long enough to look at the bigger picture. There are many parts of creation that we will never understand and I have come to realize that faith is beyond what science is looking for!

Happy 30th Birthday Star Wars…its nice knowing a part of that 8 year old boy still lives in me to this day.


Episode IV
A New Hope
It is a period of civil war. Revel spaceships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire.

During the battle, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans to the Empire’s ultimate weapon, the DEATH STAR, an armored space station with enough power to destroy an entire planet.

Pursued by the Empire’s sinister agents, Princess Leia races home aboard her starship, custodian of the stolen plans that can save her people and restore freedom to the galaxy…

80-20 Rule, the Meaningless Relationships of the 21st Century

I had run across the June issue of OUT and read an article in the relationships section that left me so flabbergasted that my jaw was literally on the floor and I found myself laughing my ass off as I read “Gay, married, available.” What amused me was that I could have written this as it happened to me one year earlier almost word for word. The article was discussing what seems to be an ever-growing number of men in the gay community who beilieve they are in a committed relationship but instead of just playing on the side in an open relationship they search out private romances with other men. The writer of the article wrote “One guy told me the 80-20 rule is in effect in his relationship: They share 80% of what he wants in a partner and a relationship, and so they agree to seek the missing 20% in others. But aren’t sex, passion, and romance essential components of any ratio that defines someone as a husband – rather than a roommate or best friend?” The person went on to try and justify his actions by stating “we haven’t had sex in three years. We’re allowed to find our passion elsewhere.” This was almost exactly what was said to me after I had met someone one month after we had begun our almost daily dialogue which had seemed at the time to be very open and honest reflections of who we were and what we wanted out of life. He was extremely warm and had the most infectious personality that was very comforting and inviting but unfortunately he found himself in the past three years living in a “sexless” relationship with separate bedrooms living more like roommates then people in a committed partnership. What kept them together I’m not certain. The writer had his own idea as to why they stayed together stating “it’s not so much social opprobrium as it is shared real estate, wardrobes and Jack Russell terriers that keeps long-term partners together.” This may be true but I’m more inclined to think it has more to do with fear and a wounded heart.

What I wanted to center my thoughts on is more why the writer and the individuals he interviewed for this article allowed this to happen. He wrote that he allowed himself to be romanced in this way on three different occasions while he lived in Manhattan and once more since he moved to L.A. I questioned the entire time reading this why does he seem to attract relationships such as these but more important why did I? With answers from those around him ranging from you have a fetish for married men to you are reading the signals wrong and have bad dating mojo. But as I thought about what he was writing and again from my own experiences I couldn’t help but think we do have to take a measure of the responsibility don’t we? We can’t just say it was there fault. Instead of learning from our familiar patterns often we try to justify our actions and instead of taking some of the blame we often try to make it them and us. I mean, doesn’t it rationally make more sense to admit that I attracted this man because I had seen something familiar in his heart and that I too was running from my past leaving me in a place where I was incapable of pursuing something real? It was almost as if I found some strength in going after what was familiar to me. He was warm, caring, beautiful, nurturing and everything I am drawn too but he was also a man in great pain as a result of a wounded heart who was now living in a relationship that was not satisfying him and instead of facing the truth of his actions he hid behind a lie and searched out others to fill in the gap or at least what he felt was missing trying to justify this with the ridiculous 80/20 idea, but before I can go further I have to admit wasn’t I doing the same? Wasn’t I looking for love, purpose, and some sort of meaning to my life and instead of trying to figure out the patterns of my choices I just kept repeating the same mistakes and the only thing that had changed in my life was the names?

While I don’t believe fully in what the article stated believing passionately that there is nothing acceptable about being in an open relationship. Such actions lowers the dignity of who we were created to be and limits our ability of making free choices which leaves us slaves to our members incapable of living out our life in a complete expression of love. Having a fling and being up front about what we do in our private life is not achieving anything authentic when it comes to love and it is foolish to believe so, however I do agree with the writer “If anyone needs to be out of town before you can invite your date over to your place for a drink, that is called cheating.” While I was reading the article I could not help but contemplate on the crucifixion of Christ looking for a fuller understanding of what authentic love means. The crucifixion became relevant to me when I reached a point and had to ask myself is there nothing in life that is worth dieing for, something that is bigger than us, to put our complete trust in God knowing no harm can harm us nearly as much as meaninglessness can. Love isn’t meaninglessness but when we live our lives with another and are seeking our own gratification from it doesn’t it become meaningless? When we know longer seek to be a servant of self-donation are we not living out the gift of love incompletely? What is worth dieing for is being a gift of love, to not settle for a counterfeit example or expression of love but to hold out and be willing to offer our selves completely without any reservation. That is love. Letting someone use you for there pleasure is not in anyway being a gift to the other because there main objective is about themselves and not about you. I am meant to be a gift to another and if they cannot accept my gift and give back to me the gift of themselves then what we have between us is not and will never be love. Anything other that that is meaningless!

In the end all I can wonder is now when we find an individual attractive and go on a date do we need to start asking whether or not they are already in a committed relationship? Is this what it’s come too?

My own Calcutta

Sometimes on those perfect sunny days I find myself lost within my thoughts as I look up into the sky above, the endless blue that seems to stretch all the way to the heavens has a way of making me feel small and insignificant. Almost as if I’m nothing more then a grain of sand that lays beneath the feet of creation. It is easy I guess in life to feel insignificant, allowing ourselves to believe that in the end we will be forgotten. Very few are safe from being forgotten in the pages of history and even then in time we will all be forgotten. But what is it that lasts, is it possible to make a difference to leave an indelible mark on the world? As I sit here I find myself looking outside to the sky above and wonder why. What is this all about? Why am I here now, in this place and in this time? Am I insignificant, someone replaceable or am I unique and irreplaceable? Today I was thinking of Christ’s Ascension into heaven and after he had rose to complete the Pascal mystery we see his chosen apostles lost in their confusion not sure what to do. It is here that we find the meaning of all my questions. It is here that I learn that I am not insignificant and my actions are everlasting. What I do doesn’t just affect those around me but instead with my witness I can have a profound impact on all generations to come. The angel of the Lord appears to the apostils after Christ’s Ascension and asks them “Men of Galilee, why are you standing there looking at the sky?” This reminds me of so many times in my own life when I too felt helpless, alone and not knowing what to do. Why am I left here standing? What is I am called to do.

The angel’s call wasn’t to take our eyes away from looking upward but it was a call to remind us to take our eyes off of ourselves and to look at the grand design. I read once somewhere that the Nativity was a reminder to us of God’s love and the Ascension leaves us with the responsibility for proving it. Often when we get lost looking upward we take our eyes off the simple fact Christ never left us. The angel stands before me now reminding me that it’s not as important to see what God does in my life but instead it’s important to hear what God is calling me to do in the lives of others. You see Christ didn’t leave or abandon me but instead he called me to be Christ to others, to put down my personal problems and care for others. The Gospels are unfinished. The Ascension calls us to see the world in a broader picture and to take responsibility for the coming of the Christ in a world that is crazed with lust for power which leaves so many in oppression feeling lost and alone, abandoned and afraid. This is even more important because we live in a culture that often teaches that material wealth is a sign of God’s approval.

It’s natural to look upward, to stretch your self to God but we can’t forget that Christ needs us to reach others, to co-participate with him in his redemptive mission. I read somewhere once that Theresa of Calcutta once said that Christ called me to be Christ to others. She was a woman who under harsh circumstances became a beacon of hope to a world that had become lost. She was very much Christ to the poor and downtrodden, to the outcaste and alone. She was Christ and mother to a hurting world. What she did affected millions around the world, and her legacy, her gift was incalculable. She will long be remembered through the actions of love long after the kings, princesses and most of those in history have come and gone. So I ask you right now viri Galilaei, quid admiramini aspicientes in caelum? (Men of Galilee, why do you stand looking up toward heaven?) Isn’t it time we find our own Calcutta?

The 18 Apostles verses Pope Benedict

On May 14th eighteen House Democrats lead by Representative Rosa DeLauro of Connecticut signed a statement which was a result from a reply Pope Benedict XVI gave as he was traveling to Brazil May 9th inquiring whether he agreed with a bishop in Mexico City in regards to the excommunication of legislators in Mexico City who voted for the right to abortion. He stated “Yes,” and went on to say “The excommunicated was not something arbitrary. It is part of the canon law code. It is based simply on the principles that the killing of an innocent human child is incompatible with going in communion with the body of Christ.” A Vatican spokesman later made it very clear that neither the Mexican bishop nor the Holy Father have taken any actions and were not threatening excommunication. The Pope just “simply announced to the public what is stipulated by the law of the Church.” After reading the response given I had to ask myself does the Pope have the right and authority to say what he did and if he does do any of us have a right to pass judgment on what the Church teaches? Also do Catholic politicians who vote with the wisdom of their Church stand against our constitution which reads “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof;…” and if these individuals vote in opposition to their faith are they self-excommunicating themselves by not adhering to the truth of their Church? Eighteen Democratic legislators, individuals who because of there Catholic ties felt threatened because of how they have voted criticized the Pope stating “Religious sanction in the political arena directly conflicts with our fundamental beliefs about the role of democratic representatives in a pluralistic America. – It clashes with freedoms guaranteed in our Constitution. Such notions offend the very nature of the American experiment and do a great disservice to the centuries of good work the Church has done.”

The obvious humor of this statement is it was taken from a reply the Pope gave in response to the Mexican Church. This possibly explains why there is so much confusion on the immigration policy here in this country when they can’t even distinguish that Mexico and the United States are two different countries. What is most unfortunate is we live in a country that any aspiring Catholic politician who states they stand in accordance with the beliefs of there faith would never be elected. We stand here today with many voices who cry out that we respect the individual’s right to free thinking but I am left here questioning if this is truly possible in every situation. Democracy was built on the presumption that there is no true way and that all roads are mutually recognized. I find this to be true in the arena of politics but when it comes to social justices or matters of faith is this so? Are we living in relativism? Are our ethical truths dependant upon the individual and the groups holding them or are we as the dictionary states limited in our mind to the conditions of knowing? We seem to be confused with Separation of Church from the interference of the State and that of a private institutions right to authority in matters of faith. The Mormon Governor of Massachusetts, Mitt Romney, stated when asked his thoughts, “I don’t say anything to Roman Catholic bishops. They can do whatever the heck they want. Roman Catholic bishops are in a private institution, a religion. I can’t imagine a government telling a church who can have communion in their church. We have separation of Church and State, and it’s served us well.” Why is it now once again do we feel that our opinions and choices have to be forced on others. The Catholic Church is only reminding her people what the teaching is in matters of faith and morals. If life according to the Church begins at the moment of conception and if they truly believe what is stated clearly in it’s doctrine that “human life is sacred because from its beginning it involves the creative action of God and it remains forever in a special relationship with the Creator, who is its sole end. God alone is the Lord of life from its beginning until its end: no one can under any circumstance claim for himself the right directly to destroy an innocent human being – Catechism 2258” why should we be shocked that they would take such a passionate stance on abortion. The Church was simply reminding the politicians that even though they don’t physically play a role in such acts they in the ultimate end still play an active role deciding who has a right to live and who does not. I’m not here to say one way or another what my thoughts are but they are to ponder the question why is what this man said “offending the very nature of the American experiment?” How is this “clashes with the freedoms guaranteed in our Constitution?” To think you and I don’t vote or think because of the beliefs we hold in our heart is foolhardy. To believe a politician can separate what they believe if they are sincere about what it is they believe is impossible. It’s more admirable to me to see individuals who are willing to stand up for what they believe in and sacrifice their position then it is to find individuals who change there positions with little or no thought. All this shows me in the end is a group of individuals who are more concerned with the monetary benefits that come with how they vote then it does by the faith they claim to have. I always find it interesting when I see people compromise what they claim to believe just so they can fit in.

In the end receiving the Eucharist is not a right, it’s a sacrament and I question if these 18 politicians have a right criticizing the Church they claim to belong to...after all why should State interfere with Church? I’ll leave you with the words and advice of presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani when asked his thoughts on this “I do not get into debates with the Pope. That is not a good idea.”

The Man, the Myth, the Legend: Jerry Falwell

Dr. Jerry Falwell passed away May 15th, 2007 at the age of 73 and with that I was left wondering with all that was being said about him what was it that makes a man great? Falwell was born in Lynchburg VA and prior to founding the Thomas Road Baptist Church he was a stunning athlete with potentially a strong opportunity to go on to being a professional ball player but early in his life he found a growing passion for his faith and later graduated from the Baptist Bible College in Springfield MO. Later on in his life he would earn three honorary doctorate degrees from Tennessee Baptist Seminary, California Graduate School of Theology & Central University Seoul Korea. As far as his public ministry life goes Falwell was the founding pastor of the Thomas Road Baptist Church, founder of Liberty University, took control in a “hostile takeover” of the PTL Club and Heritage USA after the scandal of Jim Bakker, and later on went on to be the co-founder of the Moral Majority in 1979 which played an important role in electing former President Reagan as well as the current President, George W. Bush.

All of this on paper seems impressive and shows a man with determination and direction but it was at what price that he achieved his glory that I sit here now pondering if this truly was a great man? Jerry Falwell sadly will be known more for how he lived his life and what little self control he seemed to have over what he said. He was a man deep in his convictions as seen in his early life being a strong supporter of racial segregation and went on to criticize the late Dr. King and the Civil Rights Movement calling it the “Civil Wrongs Movement.” Falwell repeatedly denounced some of what was taught in our public schools and wrote in his book America Can Be Saved that “I hope I live to see the day when, as in the early days of our country, we won’t have any public schools. The churches will have taken them over again and Christians will be running them.” He was also an outspoken supporter of the Apartheid regime in South Africa and later apologized for calling the Anglican Archbishop Desmond Tutu a phony.

It was well known that Falwell was a not a huge fan of former President Bill Clinton and in 94’ he created a video, “The Clinton Chronicles: An Investigation into the Alleged Criminal Activities of Bill Clinton.” This conspiracy was a theory that Clinton was involved in a cocaine-smuggling operation. This video was under much scrutiny and later was proven false; he never apologized and sold over 150,000 copies. The funding of this film was paid for by the Citizens for Honest Government which Falwell donated 200,000 paid over three years. The troopers used in the video made a false statements in there testimony and later on they were paid for their allegations in the Paula Jones claims. The tape used also included a journalist in a silhouette speaking out against Clinton stating he feared for his life. It was later discovered the journalist was the producer of the video and president of the Citizens for Honest Government. Falwell later confessed that he was not sure about the truth of his reporting but still no apology and no regret.

Throughout his ministry there have been many scandals that plagued his life. He had lawsuits with Penthouse and later with Hustler for a gross parody of his life that was truly tasteless and wrong. He was a very outspoken man in his dislike for gay individuals claiming in 84’ in a television debate that the gay –oriented Metropolitan Community Churches were “brute beasts” and “vile and Satanic system” and they will “one day be utterly annihilated and there will be a celebration in heaven.” He later on went to claim he never said this and offered to pay the gay activist Jerry Sloan $5000 if he could produce it. He did and Falwell would not pay. He was taken to court and lost paying an additional $2,875 in sanctions and court fees. But what outspoken beliefs I feel will be remembered are his apocalyptic beliefs. The evangelical preacher was a strong supporter that the crisis in the Middle East is a prelude to the end times and went on to say the antichrist “must be, of necessity, a Jewish male.” This statement was strongly refuted by many in the Christian community.

In the end what makes a man great to me is how they lived there lives with the accomplishments they achieved. Christ was not a man that was loved by the people of his time, reminding us constantly in his witness what it is we truly love. When you look at Christ it should be as if you are looking in a mirror. In this reflection can you see the actions of Christ? When you look at Falwell and measure up his life and his many accomplishments can we see the image of Christ? Can we see it in our lives? I’m not here to judge anyone because there is much to judge in my own actions but I am here to remind myself that to be a man has so much more to do with our heart and the actions we live by then it does by the sex we were created to be. A question I ask myself constantly is am I loving God with how I am living my life at this moment? That doesn’t mean I have to agree with everything a minister says but I also can’t dismiss everything either just because it is easier to ignore it then to challenge myself to be responsible for my actions. In the end we are only responsible for ourselves and what is it that I can do to live each moment to the fullest, to be the best version I was created to be.

Is There Privacy in a Glass Closet?

When is saying too much too much? And when does it become acceptable if ever at all to violate someone else’s rights? There are some in our community that feel it becomes necessary and acceptable to do so when it benefits them or their community but I am still left with the question do any of us in the end have the right to impose our needs or beliefs on others when we know it is not harming others? I have to ask myself as a Christian does my decision have more to do with the benefits it gives me and is this a decision or an action of love for my neighbor?

Recently OUT magazine ran an article (the Glass Closet) shaming individuals such as CNN’s Anderson Cooper and movie actress Jodi Foster for living in a glass closet. He states in his article these individuals “are comfortable with their decision because they feel like they’re living honestly” but goes on to state that such behavior is anything but and they have a responsibility to come out of the closet for the greater good and become the gay communities poster child. Many in our community feel that individuals such as these benefit from the basic freedom we all share in this country and that somehow they don’t share in the price many have had to pay by confronting the prejudices and hatred that has been presented to us. OUT magazine further goes on to justify outing these people by reminding the reader that even though these famous individuals don’t want to be defined by their sexuality in the end we are genuinely happier people once the truth was out noting one time singing success Lance Bass and the former Doggie Howser, MD actor Neil Patrick Harris as examples showing us how little this affected their professional careers. But still I wrestle whether we have a right to push ourselves onto others and by perpetuating such articles are we just encouraging a modern day witch hunt? I noticed one of the readers commented in the Letter to the Editor “No Kenny Chesney??? I am totally convinced that he is gay despite his denial on 60 Minutes a while back with (ahem) Anderson Cooper.”

In the end I can’t help but find this behavior very disrespectful, hypocritical with a message of exclusiveness. Everyone treats a person differently when they know a truth about them and it’s not our right to decide what others want to reveal about themselves. Issues like this only show me how deaf we are when it comes to the wisdom and knowledge of respecting the rights of others. Somehow the only thing that I really see that was truly accomplished was that articles such as these help us look ignorant to the overall community around us.


“Okay, I’m gay! Happy now?”
Anderson Cooper
April 4th 2007 OUT magazines Letter to the Editor (on-line)

Superman and the crossroads of life

I wrote the poem listed below late last summer. It was a darker moment for me because it I had become completely exhausted compromising who I am and who I wanted to be. For to long I sat in the same crossroads of life afraid to take a chance and always going down the familiar road because it gave me a sense of control. This destructive attitude was completely out of fear. Fear because I didn’t trust that life could be different for me. Fear because if I took a chance then I would lose the possibility of what I have been and fear because change brings the unexpected and even if you are stuck in the wilderness at least I was going in the same familiar direction.

I always had strong relations with my family and both of my parents nurtured in me a strong foundation of right and wrong but as I became older and allowed the community around me to influence my decisions I began to compromise who I was so I could fit in with the expectations of others. It’s interesting how people try so hard to bring you down to there level so they can feel better about themselves. I found myself justifying many of my actions to myself or more often I simply ignored it until an event triggered the response that became so familiar to me. Whenever you compromise the individual you were created to be you in the end are the one that looses!!! We settle in this hedonistic culture of ours for second best. Many I find don’t remember who they were, that person they were before their innocence was stolen from them leaving them broken inside and incapable of acting out constructively in life.

Don’t let fear destroy your heart. Psalm 27 speaks of Yahweh being our light and salvation and we need not fear anyone. It’s easy to say but often the vulnerability and the potential isolation from the community around us destroys the possibility of who we could be. I find that life offers us a continuous invitation to believe in the goodness of I was created to be. Remember Superman when he was the humble Clark Kent was not who he truly was but instead found himself living an illusion. It was a mask he wore to protect his identity, which allowed him to hide from the rest of the world. Who he was under his disguise was a mighty champion of evil and a beacon of light and hope to a troubled world around him. We too are such a light but more often then not we cover the light out of fear. For to long I resisted the truth about myself. I lied for to long and hid from my self the pains of my past but if I have learned anything at all about life in the last year it’s that I cannot substitute the person I was created to be, this humble gift of love because I am to scared to stand up and say no more. Life for many is a carrousel ride but when we jump off the horse it becomes a never-ending adventure discovering our main purpose in life isn’t what I get out of life but rather what I give. Life is about love. If you want something you have to be willing to give it up first.

Who I Am

100 names I seem to have, a 1000 faces at my command
A simple shoeshine boy I may be, with a cap and an S underneath me
Some see me for the muscles I wear, or for my smile, my hair
Opinioned and foolhardy some do see
Intelligent, wise and intuitive I may be
Sarcastic, emotionless or insensitive I can be, but in the end all I care about is what my mother does see

Who am I, I wonder now
Who is it that sits here now
Lost, alone and confused I am
Lost in this great mystical plan
To be so lost in this world does seem not so difficult to believe
So simple life could have been, with choices made and lessons learned

Who am I with these many facades
What mask do I have on
So tiresome life does get, with these many names, so confusing it seems
So simple am I at heart, so complex the world does make
Am I lost or confused, or is it simply all a ruse
Sweet and caring in the end is what I am, I know cause that is what my mother believes